matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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