oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
