Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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