I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize