I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up under a house in Key West
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