R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
