I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
