Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
