I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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