Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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