watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
