watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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