I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
