ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
