my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
