He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
