I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize