True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
how does that bad decision feel?
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