hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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