My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
