Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
