They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
