i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
