you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
