you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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