Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
