One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He felt like a one man threesome
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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