I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
