My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
