He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
