she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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