and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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