youre lurking in front of me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
