WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I pour the whiskey from now on
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
