your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
