let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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