oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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