im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
