I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
