My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize