I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
