there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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