No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
