trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
two words...techno handjob
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
