this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
