I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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