So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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