You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
