that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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