When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
ttyl tear gas
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
