She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
