I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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