We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
