Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
