I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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