But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
