i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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