If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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