My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
