The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
