I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if i died would you start the facebook group?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
