im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize