It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
