It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
