youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
