"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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