she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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