You really coming over, don't trick.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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