the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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