I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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