How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
vagina is talking i cant
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
