She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
two words...techno handjob
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
