What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize