____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
